


Can't Touch This

by XOSweetsOX



Series: Tony Stark's Rules for Life [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Chapter two, I just thought it would be right to post this too, IRDEFK anymore guys, M/M, Slow Build, Work In Progress, and I forgot it the first time around, angst with a possible happy ending, fic with in a fic, go me..., idk - Freeform, it all depends on if I continue this, it's in my other fic, that's like the most important tag of this whole thing..., this is the fic that's within, which is called Tony Stark's Rules for Life, which is up to you, you really don't have to read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 07:51:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3928831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XOSweetsOX/pseuds/XOSweetsOX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Read the tags.</p><p>This is the fic inside a fic from Chapter Two of my fic Tony Stark's Rules for Life.</p><p>Really, I just thought it would be a good idea to post this too.</p><p>I don't know why.</p><p>I kinda really want to continue it though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Touch This

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wishful](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishful/gifts).



> Everything you need to know is in the summary and tags.
> 
> For Wishful, since she inspired the fic that this fic goes inside of.
> 
> And isn't that just really damn confusing.

:-::-::-::-::-::-: 

 

“Hey you! New kid!” A voice called, and the distaste and nastiness was practically palpable.

 

Of course, there was only one person whom that voice could be calling to. Mr. Tony Stark: 17 year old boy genius and a brand spanking new student at the Washington D.C. Academy for Science, Health, Intelligence, and Engineering, Learning Division. (There's also a Research Division, and a Task Force Division, and a bunch of other random ass Divisions, but you have to graduate the Learning Division first to be considered for one of those.)

 

"Hey you, yeah, you! Brown-noser! What do you think you were doing back there?" Says Mr. Hatevoice. And now, Tony remembers Hatevoice's name from his most recent class.

 

Justin Hammer: bully, engineer(ish thing), quasi- genius, and all-around asshole.

 

Tony doesn't think it's in his best interest to stop and talk to the dickwad, but with all the kids in front of him stopping and turning around to see what all the commotion is about, he really doesn't have anywhere else to go. So, against his better judgement, he turns around.

 

And promptly receives a 1500 page Calculus BC textbook to the face, a long with a shit ton of insults.

 

"Who the hell do you think you are, punk? Walking into your fucking first day here and thinking you can show everyone up just like that? It doesn't fucking work like that, baby face. There's a pecking order here; I'm at the top and you're at the bottom. You don't make yourself look good, you little piece of shit, you make  _me_  look good, because I'm the one who deserves it most. Speaking of which, you think you're smarter than me? I guarantee you you're not, pussy boy.

 

"I guarantee you I am, by your own words. If you have to fucking ask "You think you're smarter than me?" Then the answer is fucking self-evident. Yes, I fucking do think I'm smarter than you. Actually, I know I'm smarter than you, so fuck off!!" Tony shouted, and turned around to walk away.

 

"Don't you fucking walk away from me, boy!! I can make your life a living hell!!"

 

Tony began laughing, but it was a cold, dead laugh with almost no feeling.

 

"Believe me, Hammer, I've been in Hell way longer than you could ever stand. Way before you started fucking up my life, at least.

 

:-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-:

 

It turns out that even super secret fucking spy schools have gangs. And the name of the one at SHIELD? The Ten Rings. Of course, because terrorist groups totally need protégés, that definitely makes the world a better place. Or at least, making the world a better place is what SHIELD is devoted to doing, not necessarily it's individual students.

 

And of course, who else would be its leader but fucking Hammer?

 

"Hey buddy!"

 

So, this has become a thing. Hammer walks up with a couple of Ten Rings goons, and even though Tony's already in hell, they decide to turn the BBQ burners up from spicy to roasting.

 

This includes, but is not limited to:

 

  *       Punching Tony literally everywhere on his body
  *       Punching Tony literally everywhere on campus
  *       Causing Tony physical harm with numerous extremely dangerous things that can be found only in very few super secret restricted laboratories across the world. And of course, in fucking Spy High
  *       Causing Tony to look bad in front of all students
  *       Causing Tony to look bad in front of all teachers
  *       Causing Tony to become the least liked student of one Director Fury, head of SHIELD. And according to a lot of people, that's hard to do because, while Fury doesn't like anybody (minus the assassin twins and his Assistant Principals, he loves them) he really doesn't hate anybody, either. Except, of course, Tony Stark. Thank you, Hammer.
  *       And much much more!! (Can you see the sarcasm dripping from those exclamation points. Yeah, that's a thing.)



Really, Tony's sorry he's here at all. But with his parents dead and an astoundingly high IQ, he really has nowhere else to go where people wouldn't be afraid of him, instead of the other way around. And that's really almost worse, so Tony's fine to stay where he is for now.

 

Even though it means constant limping and glare-avoiding.

 

:-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-:

 

So, Tony's walking down the hall, as usual. Avoiding everyone, as usual. Talking to his only two friends, as usual. (Bruce and Jarvis are such Bros, Tony doesn't know what he'd do without them.) when suddenly something extremely unusual happens.

 

Two fingers clamp down on the back of his neck, pinching so tight they dig in between the individual cords of muscle.

 

"Hey there, punk. Miss me?" Tony whips around to face the smugly grinning Hammer, and realizes that something is different this time around. This isn't going to be a normal "Let's beat Tony up and walk away!" session. Hammer will usually stop when he's satisfied that Tony's had enough.

 

But Tony can tell by the lack of anything even remotely emotional in his face that this time around, there will be no stopping till Tony is dead. Or Hammer is, but with Ringo One and Ringo Two just behind Hammer (you can thank Snark Master Jarvis for those nicknames, by the way) there's really no way Tony would even be able to touch Hammer this time. And isn't that one fucking song just ruined for the rest of his life, now.

 

But really, even though Tony doesn't have a chance, he's not going down without a fight. It's just the way Starks work. (Plus, SHIELD Academy is weirdly intense about the whole PE/PT thing, so Tony might actually be able to put up a half-decent fight for the first thirty seconds or so...)

 

"Hey Buddy, how's it going?"

 

"Hammer, get your fucking hand off of me."

 

"Aww, don't be like that, Little Guy, I-"

 

Tony whips around and decks hammer in the shoulder, and Hammer's not expecting him to fight back so he stumbles and spins backwards. Ringos One and Two move up to help Hammer, but before they can get there Tony summons a little bit of assassin-y behavior of his own. He whips his leg around and clips Hammer in the temple with his toe, knocking him out cold. Hammer falls to the ground, and everyone freezes, stunned. Even Tony.

 

The Ringos look a little more scared now, which is saying something, because they usually aren't scared at all. Even so, they slowly start advancing on Tony.

 

But Tony's having none of that, and he half-crouches and assumes 'Threatening Pose Number One', that somehow manages to actually look half-threatening.

 

"Back the fuck off!" He snarls.

 

And to his surprise, they do.

 

But then Tony hears the clip-cloping of a multitude of dress shoes and heels behind him, and realizes the real reason that the toughest guys in school ran like frightened rabbits, which was definitely not 'Threatening Pose Number One', cause the only thing that seem to be threatening right now is Tony's susceptibility to cramps.

 

The Assistant Principals (who are called Agents, for some reason. It probably has to do with the other Divisions) are approaching, with their ever present squad of Peacekeepers. And that is not good.

 

"What is going on here?" The calmest voice in the entire building asks, and Tony slowly turns to face Agent Coulson. Who is, of course, flanked by Agents Hill and Sitwell. Junior Agents Barton, Romanof, and Barnes are also in attendance.

 

"He violated my personal space, and I wasn't okay with that. So I asked him to stop. He didn't, so I knocked him out. End of story."

 

Hill slowly raised a single eyebrow. "You? Knocked out the biggest bully on campus? I don't believe you."

 

"Wait, you guys know he's a bully?" Tony incredulously asked.

 

"Yes, now how about you tell us what really happened." Sitwell snarked. (But not nearly as well as Jarvis would have.)

 

"I did tell you the truth." Tony absentmindedly replied. "So, if you know he's a bully, why the hell haven't you done anything about him?"

 

"We like to let our student take matters into their own hands. It shows strength of character. Now, can anyone here corroborate Mr. Stark's claim?" Coulson queried to the crowd that was still gathered around Tony and the pile of flesh that was Hammer on the floor.

 

"I can." Bruce spoke up. And seriously, thank goodness for science bros.

 

"You're biased, too close to the situation. Anyone else?" Peacekeeping Agent Romanoff felt the need to add.

 

And then, wonder of wonders, someone actually did speak up. None other than Peacekeeper Captain Steve Rogers: straight-A student, sports team Captain (before you ask which one, all of them), Adonis, and frequent star in Tony's wet dreams. (Seriously though, if you ever saw him, you wouldn't be able to help yourself either.)

 

"I can, sir." Steve calmly stated from his position off to the side of the crowd. And wasn't that just like him, to be the politest motherfucker in existence. Tony should really see about taking some manners lessons from him, but first Tony'd have to care about his own lack of manners.

 

"Steve?" Clint asked. As if it wasn't fucking obvious, idiot. Who else do you know towers above the entire student body and has enough muscle mass to throw a stick at. And have said stick break into tears at being thrown at so many muscles...

 

Alright, Tony's not the best at metaphors, moving on!!

 

"I saw the whole thing; Hammer came up behind him and grabbed his neck, Tony asked him to stop and Hammer didn't, so Tony introduced his steel-toes workboots to Hammer's temples, and the result is now attempting to flee the scene." He said.

 

"Hammer, get back here!" Sitwell roared, and damn, could that man manipulate sound waves to their loudest potential or something?

 

Hammer cringed in fear from where he was laying on the floor, trying to crawl away inconspicuously.

 

"Steve, take Tony back to his room please, and make sure he doesn't just stand there with his mouth gaping open like that once you get there. He doesn't deserve to have a dehydration headache in the morning along with all the other injuries he's got." Hill commanded, and Steve hopped to it like he was made to follow orders.

 

"Yes Ma'am." He replied, polite as ever, and walked over to the still frozen Tony.

 

"Come along now, Stark, let's get you somewhere with privacy." He quietly encouraged.

 

But around that time, Tony's locked knees caught up to him, and he fainted in Steve's arms.

 

:-::-::To Be Continued::-::-:

 

Something's weird with this posting thing, so I'm  including this random sentence at the end of the fic for no reason.

**Author's Note:**

> There's literally no reason for me to put a note at the end, but I'm going to anyway.
> 
> I really should have included the sleep deprived author tag here, too.
> 
> Hit me with your best prompt!! (Idk, I though is was appropriate with PP2 coming out this weekend.)


End file.
